Raping your wife could make her mentally sick – Expert

May 31, 2014

Sex is commonly believed to be an integral part of a marriage. Research has shown that so many marriages are successful because the sex life of the partners is solid.

Some men and even women, practically live on sex. They see it as food; they cannot afford not to have sex at least, once in a week. Some see it as an antidote to depression, sadness and a recipe that clears the air after a bitter quarrel.

In any case, no matter how much an individual loves sex, it is believed that once it is not consensual, it has automatically turned to rape. Rape is everything lovemaking is not.

So many men have claimed that it is their ‘right’ to have sex with their wives no matter their wives mood. As such, findings have shown that some women in marriage have been victims of rape by their husbands because they refused to ‘do’ when the men wanted it.

Again, a school of thought feels a husband cannot rape his wife since she is his ‘property.’ People in this category argue that there is nothing like rape between husband and wife because the husband presumably, has an unlimited right to having sex with his wife; whether she wants it or not.

Our correspondent gathered that a number of men have at one time or the other forced their wives to have sex with them. While men have a ready explanation and justification for such coercion, a cross section of wives who spoke to our correspondent said the only name for such act is rape, but unfortunately it is not a thing that could be discussed with a third party.

“How can you say a man would rape his wife? We have been joined together to be one, thus, her body belongs to me and mine belongs to her. So, my wife is supposed to give it to me and satisfy me anytime I want it. After all, I paid her dowry,” such was the response of a 33-year-old civil servant who identified himself as John.

John said he does not believe a man could rape his wife, even when the woman is coerced into it. “You know men are moved by what they see. So, when we see some curves in other women, especially aided by provocative dressing by some women of today, it arouses us and makes us want to have sex. If the wife is within reach, she would be the receiver,” he explained.

But some people believe that rape is rape, as long as one of the parties is being coerced into doing it, regardless of the relationship between them.

Just as consensual sex enhances mental health, rape can cause mental distress leading to an ailment. Ordinarily, rape is traumatic, not to talk of one that is done in marriage.

Experts say sexual acts could be penile-vaginal intercourse, oral, anal, or the insertion of objects into the vagina or anus for pleasure. In this case, when a woman is forced to do any of these without her consent, or she submits to sexual acts out of fear, it is rape. This category of rape is called marital or spousal rape.

Investigations  revealed that women have mostly been the victims of marital rape, while most men who rape their wives claim to be protected by marriage vows.

Since marital rape is not a popular or interesting issue to share, no woman would say in the open that she was raped by her husband, while there are couples that are fighting and quarrelling fiercely because of this issue.

Experts say when sex is not consensual, it could affect the psyche of the person being forced into it.

Interestingly, spousal rape transcends African culture. Few days ago, a 27-year-old man was charged with raping his wife, even when she was pregnant, on many occasions in Eagle Mountain, California, United States. He told the police he did it because “as far as he was concerned, once he married her she became his property.”

Not only did he rape her, he told the police he forced sex on his wife many times while she was pregnant because she was “too weak and tired to fight back much,” but that once she had the baby, she fought back and screamed at him to stop. He confessed to have also tied her up on more than one occasion, according to court documents.

A consultant psychiatrist, Dr. Adeoye Oyewole, said spousal rape is more common in this part of the world because the culture here does not sanction men who rape their wives, if at all the issue gets to the open. He explained that the socio-cultural permission that makes men to be reckless makes the women to be more culturally restricted.

“Rape, on its own, can actually lay a foundation for future mental illness in an ordinary circumstance. It is a factor for future mental ailment if not properly managed. So, imagine when marriage makes it legal.

“The African culture makes men see women as sex tools to satisfy their urges, and that the man has paid the bride price, so a woman has no right to refuse him, anytime he wishes to have sex. Some religions also mandate the wives to let men have sex anyhow and anytime, no matter what. These make an average man reckless and unreasonable.

“The prevalence of spousal rape is not because men have higher libido; it is the culture that gives them the social permission to express theirs that also represses the libido and ease of expression in the women. Libido in men and women is the same, if not even higher in women,” he said.

Investigations revealed that more wives are locked up in relationships where they are being perpetually and legally raped, a menace Oyewole tied to culture, which he described as being so powerful that it dictates mental attitude.

“Maybe our religion too, the pastor prays, reminds us that God hates divorce, while the wife’s father had already told her that once she’s married, she shouldn’t come back to the house, no matter what she meets there, she should stay. With these, the woman may suffer from perpetual rape,” Oyewole said.

Oyewole says that a woman being raped by her husband could have mental ailment, defective ailment and anxiety because of the assault.

He said that apart from depression, schizophrenia and others, spousal rape has a higher tendency of causing mental illness, otherwise called psychiatric morbidity.

“Men should stop raping their wives. It is lack of self control and development that could make a man to rape a woman. If a husband is man enough, he should control himself.

“Most times in marriage, when a woman says no to sex, what she’s saying is ‘let us talk,’ she wants to talk. That communication could also be an avenue for the man if he is reasonable and has the necessary communication skills and maturity,” Oyewole said.

However, if you keep forcing your wife into sexual acts, you may as well be preparing her for mental ailment. Watch it!