If your spouse cheated on you, would you want a confession?

June 7, 2014

 

Our readers

Many marriages have suffered due to extra-marital affairs either by the husband or the wife. This has led to divorce and unresolved differences in many homes. However, some people may be willing to confess to their spouses if they had an extra-marital affair, i asked some people whether they would want such a confession or not

I would rather want her confess to God

Walliyyullah Adigun

If it were by mistake, there is nothing else I would do than to desire a confession. But on a strict note, her confession would not heal the wound she has inflicted on me. Rather, it would add to my injury. And on a religious ground, her confession amounts to nothing if she does not confess to God and repent. In short, I prefer her confession to God and a change of heart. But if she cheated on me intentionally and I do not have peace of mind with her, I would not even need a confession from her. She would need to find her way out of my life.

Her confession would add to my pain

Alamu Adebisi

I would naturally desire a confession, but on the other hand, whether she confesses or not, I would not kill myself over the issue. I believe the most important thing for her to do is genuine repentance. By the way, it would be better for me if I were unaware of her infidelity than to know about it. Her confession to me would even add to my pain. She should just confess to God and pretend to me as if nothing ever happened. If I knew she did it, I may not be able to trust her again. In fact, I do not need her confession.

I do not need her confession

Chukwu Emeka

The entirety of the truth of life remains that if you are stressed, you will get pimples; if you cry, you will get wrinkles; so why not be happy, smile and get dimples? What this means is to keep your confession to yourself and your God. I do not care over such matters. All I want is for her to repent in her privacy and let us continue to enjoy life together. Her confession might hurt me so much that I may not even be able to forgive her and forget about the incident. So, it is better I do not even hear about it at all. If she found it right to cheat on me in secret, she should also find it right to repent in secret.

It would be stupid of her to confess

Salahudeen Opeyemi

Her confession to me would perhaps be the most stupid thing she could do after such an act. Of course, I would accept it and probably forgive her, and move on with my life. But come to think of it, why getting into such an affair in the first place? That is betrayal. But wait a minute, let’s not pretend like we’re all angels here. Having an extra-marital affair could happen to anyone, even between best friends. It could be prevented, though. But if I find myself crumpled in someone else’s sheet, I would not hate myself for it. If it happened to my spouse too, I would not kill her too over it.

I would appreciate her for the ‘kind gesture’

Ola Matthew

Hmmm! If she could even be bold to come out and confess her atrocity to me, it really shows I married a woman of integrity and strength, who never cares what could happen to her by her confession. I tell you something, I would appreciate her and forgive her for the ‘kind gesture’ she has bestowed on me. Please know that there is nothing done that is hidden under the earth. So, it is better for her to confess before she is exposed. However, her confession will not be complete if she does not repent. The beauty of any confession is true repentance. Confession is meaningless without true repentance. Therefore, she should complement her confession by never doing it again because that is the only way I would ever trust her again.

I would want to know why he cheated on me

Oyebiyi Adesewa

No woman would want her husband to cheat on her. But if he cheated on me, I would like to know the reason why he did so. Knowing his motive would bring me more relief than just knowing he did it. If there was something that enticed him to the other woman, then I should be able to do such a thing too so that he would not indulge in it again. So, I would not just want his confession, I would like to know the reason why he did it.

He should keep it to himself

Blessing Peters

Every man cheats, so, whether he comes or not, I may not see him as totally clean. Therefore, I don’t want his confession because I don’t want to know he does such things. However, his willingness to confess could mean a symbol of love but his escapade will not make me happy, so he should keep it to himself. If he starts telling me without a prior knowledge of what he wants to say, and I’m not in a good mood, he would get me angry and I would react, because ordinarily, I’m not interested in such revelation. But if I’m in a good mood, and he asks for forgiveness, I will forgive him. After realising his mistake, if he goes back into it, then it means he takes me for granted, which is a minus for him.

He should tell me

Sandra Eze

I would like to hear it from my husband that he slept with another woman after he married me. If he tells me, I will forgive him and let the issue pass. I would assume that he realised his mistake and decided to confess, but if I find out by myself from other persons or sources, I will show the girl hell and make my husband realise that what he did was wrong. I cannot fight my husband, so she would be the receiver of my anger. Ordinarily, I know my husband won’t chase girls, so I would assume that the girl lured him into it, and I will fight her seriously for that. However, I wish it never happens because infidelity is not a pleasant experience in marriage.

It is better he tells me before I find out

Chidinma Ukoji

If the relationship is strong, reliable and based on trust, I would expect him to share everything that happened with me. If he does that, I will forgive him, we will pray together so that it won’t happen again and I will even counsel him because something avoidable would have led to it. On the other hand, if he does not tell me, I will still find out on my own, which is more terrible and not too good for him. If he tells me before I find out, he would have my understanding, but if I find out myself, then he has betrayed the trust I have in him. In his own interest, he should tell me.

It is terrible to hear it from outside

Olawole Kikelomo

I expect him to tell me so that we could handle it as a family. I can even pray with him so we could overcome it together. There should be trust, so if he has betrayed that trust by virtue of his action, he should just say it. It is better he tells me everything that happened before someone else does, so that even if I hear it from outside, it won’t be a breaking news. Eventually, I would know, so, he should be truthful enough to let me know. Above all, I would like to know if what I give him at home is not good enough because I would want to understand why he chose to sleep with another woman outside.

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Intrigues as APC, PDP clash over fund in Kwara

June 7, 2014

Ahmed, Afolayan and Oyedepo

The Peoples Democratic Party and All Progressives Congress in Kwara State have accused each other of illegal fund raising ahead of the 2015 elections, SUCCESS NWOGU writes

The quest by the Peoples Democratic Party to recapture power in Kwara State, which it lost to the All Progressives Congress through the defection of Governor Abdulfatah Ahmed, has made it to engage in some strategies it believes will enhance its chances of winning the 2015 general elections.

PDP, which had been the ruling party in the state for about a decade, lost power following the defection of the governor and his political godfather, Dr. Bukola Saraki, to the APC. Many notable politicians, including Senator Shabba Lafiaji, all the members of the House of Representatives from Kwara State, Speaker of the state House of Assembly, Mr. Razak Atunwa; and 21 other members of the Assembly elected on the PDP platform, also defected to APC.

Chairmen and deputy chairmen of the 16 local government areas and 193 councillors as well as their supporters also dumped PDP for APC.

Having reconciled (or so it seemed) aggrieved members after its state congress election, PDP recently organised a fund-raising event in Abuja to buoy the party’s finances.

But this move came under scathing criticism from APC. The party’s position was made known by its state Publicity Secretary, Alhaji Sulyman Buhari.

The Kwara APC accused President Goodluck Jonathan of secretly providing huge and “scandalous donation” to Kwara PDP in a bid to actualise Jonathan’s earlier vow that the PDP would test its strength before 2015 in the state and even recapture power.

APC said PDP had targeted to raise N5bn at the event towards the 2015 general elections.

It said, “Before anyone will accuse us of meddling in PDP affairs, President Goodluck Jonathan is the president of our country and we are Nigerians and taxpayers. We are familiar with relevant provisions of the Nigerian Constitution and no proviso empowers Mr. President to make such huge donation either publicly or secretly.

“What is the source of this donation? Where did Mr. President derive such power to spend public funds on parochial and partisan interests? Is this fund from the reportedly missing $20bn the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation allegedly failed to remit to government coffers?

“More disturbing are the circumstances surrounding the donation as Mr. President vowed on March 17, 2014 that PDP would test its strength in Kwara State before 2015.”

It stated that with the PDP fund-raising event in Abuja, the party had indeed “become an Abuja party for Abuja politicians.”

APC also said that PDP had lost the little sympathy it enjoyed from the people, adding that the people of Kwara were now well informed of the alleged level of disdain the party had for them.

“No amount of external aggression can arrest the level of harmony and peaceful co-existence currently enjoyed by the good people of Kwara State,” APC said.

It said such huge public fund allegedly donated by Jonathan to PDP would have been beneficial to the people of Kwara State if the money was channelled into complementing the success of Governor Ahmed’s administration in the areas of youth employment and empowerment; security and infrastructural development, among others.

But the state PDP Chairman, Mr. Iyiola Oyedepo, who appeared not bothered by the criticism, said that PDP would soon organise a fund-raising event in Kwara where people would be free to donate any amount they could.

He asked APC to stop ranting over his party’s strategies to boost its electoral fortunes.

Oyedepo also alleged that APC was using public funds for its activities in the state.

He said, “How much are they also spending from Kwara State funds for electioneering? They are using public money to oil their electioneering campaigns, including erection of bill boards. They are also using public money to buy vehicles for their party. Also they are sending people on Hajj on the ticket of the government for political purpose. Why are they kicking against our fund raiser now?”

Oyedepo stated that APC’s criticism of Jonathan over the fund raising drive was either out of ignorance or deliberate mischief.

He said Jonathan neither attended the fund raising event nor sent money by proxy.

Oyedepo claimed that the PDP’s fund-raising ceremony was to take away the control of the party from money bags so that all members would have a sense of belonging.

He said, “In fact we are even organising another one in Kwara State where people will be free to donate to the party even N100 or more. We want to take the party and put it in the hands of the people rather than the money bags.”

Oyedepo said the single largest donor who is not from the state was PDP Board of Trustees’ Chairman, Chief Tony Anenih, who he said donated N10m to the party.

He justified Anenih’s donation, describing the donor as a prominent agriculturist and industrialist.

According to him, another major external donation of N5m came from the Minister of the Federal Capital Territory, Senator Bala Mohammed and his friends.

Oyedepo said, “We were able to raise more than N250m. We did not raise up to N5bn that day. The APC members know that they are drowning and they believe that they want to smear our name particularly that of the President.

“You know they are always against the President. I wonder why they should. Their allegation is just a calculated attempt to smear our name and the name of the President. But they do not even have that credibility to smear anybody’s name. We know their credentials.”

The state PDP Publicity Secretary, Chief Rex Olawoye, also alleged that the Kwara State Government was funding APC machinery with public fund.

He said PDP was alarmed by the alleged diversion of funds meant for the development of the state to party affairs by the state government.

Olawoye stated that the party had watched with bewilderment how the Ahmed-led administration allegedly dips its hands into the public purse to fund the activities of APC in the state.

He claimed that the APC’s membership registration cost the Kwara people 100m, while its recently held congresses cost N50m.

Olawoye said, “Just when we thought the regime of recklessness was over, the Kwara State Government has once again taken from the money belonging to all Kwara people to sponsor over 1,000 APC members to a jamboree in the name of the governorship declaration of the second term bid of the Governor of Ekiti State.

“We challenge the APC to tell the world the source(s) of the money it has been using to prosecute party activities over the past few months. For example, who paid for the multi-million naira mansion along Peter Tokulola Street, GRA, Ilorin, that the APC recently acquired as its secretariat?

“From which account other than the state’s, is the Kwara State Government sponsoring over 50 APC state and local government executives to Umrah pilgrimages in Mecca? Who paid for the transportation of over 1,000 members of the APC to Isin, Offa, Share and Omu-Aran and Kaiama where they had gone to inaugurate his projects as part of an insensitive celebration of an uneventful third anniversary of the APC-led government?

“Is it not ironic that the Kwara APC, whose machinery is being sponsored and funded with the public coffers, would have the morality to criticise the PDP, whose singular ‘offence’ in the estimation of the APC is that it rallied its members to donate voluntarily from their individual widow’s mite to their party?”

Olawoye said the Kwara APC should summon the courage to first cast out the large log of wood allegedly in its eyes before criticising “PDP’s well-meaning effort.”

According to him, the fact that people from all walks of life defiled partisanship and gathered at the Sheraton Hotels and Towers for the fund-raising dinner and donated generously to the cause of the Kwara PDP was enough evidence that the people had rejected APC.

Olawoye said, “This is why we are not surprised that the APC is feeling scared and jittery to the extent of seeking to acquire a fresh but unsustainable loan of N23bn from the capital market in a bid to match up to the PDP’s modest war chest.”

But the APC Secretary, Mr. Yemi Afolayan, said PDP’s allegations were spurious, adding that they should be ignored.

He stated that the state government was not funding the party, adding that the party was being ingenious in raising legally justifiable funds.

Afolayan said PDP was engaging in misinformation to seek relevance.

According to him, Kwara residents have dumped PDP for APC for good.

He said it was laughable that PDP would accuse Ahmed of non-performance, adding that the governor’s great performance was not in doubt.

Afolayan also said the governor was being judicious, transparent and frugal in the management of public resources.

He said, “PDP is confused now. In the national scheme of things, the President is fast losing grip of the situation in Nigeria and that is why the leadership of PDP in Kwara State is confused. They don’t get their facts right and when they talk, we just ignore them because I can’t even see who they are.

“So when you have people like that, the best thing is to ignore them. For example, PDP spokesperson was talking about our new secretariat; he doesn’t even know the location.”

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My illness was a blessing in disguise –Kayode Odumosu aka Pa Kasunmu

June 7, 2014

Veteran actor, Kayode Odumosu, aka Pa Kasunmu

Veteran actor, Kayode Odumosu, aka Pa Kasunmu, tells Ademola Olonilua about his experiences in life

How is your health now?

My health is better now, glory be to God.

What exactly was the nature of the ailment?

I cannot really say what the nature of the ailment was but the day I got to know was when I went to my family doctor’s hospital at Jibowu, Lagos. They tested me and said I needed to go to another laboratory for a more comprehensive test. When I went to the laboratory, they checked my heart and carried out some other tests on me and later referred me to Lagos University Teaching Hospital, Idi-Araba. It was there that I knew that I needed to be thoroughly checked medically. That was how it started in 2009. It was there that I realised that I had problems with my heart, liver and it was getting to the kidney before it was stopped at LUTH.

What are the lessons you learnt from that experience?

I believe that everything is from God because before this ailment started, I was building a house in Ogijo, Ogun State and my friends advsed me to look for money for the roofing of the house. They told me that I should make sure I get about N3m for the roofing and I was surprised that it was that expensive. I asked them if the money was only for the roofing and they laughed and said yes. We were all discussing and playing but I took it seriously and was saving the money. I was able to raise N4m before the ailment started. I did not know that the money I was gathering was for my health and not for the house. I had to spend the money on my medication and that is why I said everything was from God. It is a miraculous thing. When I had N600,000 left of the N4m, I sold my property. I sold two plots of land at Ibefun in Ogun state. Later on, I had to sell my BMW car as well and because my son was also contributing money too, I had money for my medication. Later, my sister working at LUTH told me that I could not continue like that; she said I needed the support of the public. I declined and told her that I would find my way around it financially. She did not listen to me and went ahead to inform the public about my illness but I thank her and God. I did not know people love me this much and they give me money which helped in my treatment.

Did you also sell your house at Ogijo?

My house at Ogijo is still there, I did not sell it. It is still under construction. I have another house at Abeokuta which has been completed; what remains now is just water. I want to dig a borehole there because the water in the area is not so good.

We learnt that Lagos and Ogun states helped you when you were ill, is that true?

Yes, it is true. It is not that I went to the Lagos State government for help but I think government officials saw the news on television and in the newspaper and they reached out to me. They invited me to First Cardiology at Ikoyi, I was checked and from there, I was referred to about two other hospitals on the Island. Lagos State paid all the expenses I incurred at each of the three hospitals I visited and it later gave me N1.5m and that was all. Then the Ogun State government came in when my son and my sister went to meet the officials. My family went to the governor’s office and explained everything to the officials there and they promised to get back to me the fourth day. To my surprise, the officials came and gave me a cheque of N2m. It was the grace of God. I was living at Mushin then but I could not keep staying there because I could not continue to pay my rent. I had to move to my sister’s house for proper care.

With the number of your appearances in movies, most people thought you were a rich man. Is that perception of you wrong?

As an actor, you are bound to act any role you are given. If I have to act like the poorest man in the whole world, I would do it. I would have to change my style and my character to what is required to translate the role I am given. That is why I can act like a big man and people would believe. I can act like the president of America and that is an actor’s job. What people see on television is very different from real life. There is a huge difference between Pa Kasunmu and Kayode Odumosu.

Which would you prefer between being wealthy and being popular?

There are three different things in life; being popular, wealthy and poor. If I am a wealthy man, it means I would be very rich and you know how you would meet me when you approach me. If I am a poor man, you would know immediately you get close to me while a popular man is known by all. To me, I love being a popular man than being a wealthy man. I so much love God for where he has placed me, I need money like everyone else but I prefer being popular than being wealthy because a wealthy man has no peace of mind. I might be wrong but that is the way I see it.

Would you say that your illness was a blessing in disguise?

Yes, I would say that it was a blessing in disguise to me. That is how I see it. There are some people who love me and who had been trying to get close to me but didn’t have the chance to meet me. It was an opportunity for them to get close to me.

How did you come up with the Pa Kasunmu brand?

As an actor, it is not necessary to have a stage name but when we started in 1968, I did not join any group to become a star. No actor then would wake up and decide to become a star or a celebrity. We just acted and left but it got to a stage where I had to pick a name. Back then, we did more of stage plays and some people were calling me Akanni which was a character I acted. If you act a character well, the name would stick with you. When I left the Akanni stage play, I later worked with Baba Suwe and I was referred to as Baba Idogo; there is a place called Idogo in Abeokuta, and that was the character they wanted me to act. When I acted it well, the name stuck. Later on at Ibadan, I was with Olofa Ina and Abeni Saje, we were on set for a video recording and while we were on, Abeni Saje was meant to call me the name given to me on the set but she mistakenly called me Sir K. We had to re-shoot the scene. That gave me an idea that I could take a name that started with the letter K and I did not want to answer my real name, Kayode. When people were calling me Sir Kay, I thought it would not be a mistake if my stage name started with the letter K. I began pondering on it and ended up with Kasunmu. I could be Kasunmu as a young person and Pa Kasunmu as an elderly person. That was how I stuck to Pa Kasunmu and people received it well.

Your character is known for the funny way you speak English and even the pipe you smoke. How did you come by those concepts?

It makes me remember my friend’s dad, he was a disciplinarian. He never took no for an answer and he did not take nonsense from anybody. My friend’s name is Ladunjoye while we called his father Pa Ajayi. The man is dead now but I picked the way Pa Kasunmu talks from him. He also smoked cigarettes but I changed mine to pipe. I did not want to be smoking cigarette anyhow.

How did you get into acting?

We were living at a village called Iponri then in Lagos. It is still in existence but it has changed; it is no more a village. Then, there were some people who gathered together to form a group called Simbad Concert Party. We called it concert party then and I used to go there to watch them dance, sing and act. I picked interest in them. There was a time the man who beat the drums for them was absent for about two days and I volunteered to beat to assist. They said, ‘you this small boy, are you sure you can beat the drum very well?’ I told them to let me try and that was how I started in 1957. In 1958, I was invited to play a role for somebody who was absent as well. The person was meant to play the role of a teenager and I played the role very well. I was 15 years old at the time. According to them, I played the role very well because I was given a standing ovation and that was what encouraged me to go into acting.

Would you say that your getting into acting was by luck or an accident?

I would not say it was by accident; instead it was God’s will. If God did not want me there, I would not have been going there to watch them. Also, the people who were absent would not have been absent or I might not have been there when they were absent. That is the way I see it; it is God’s will.

Can you remember how much you were paid for a role you first played?

I think I was given five shillings. I was very happy and it was a lot of money then. I collected it and was happy and started having very big plans for it. I wanted to buy trousers and sandals from the five shillings.

What was your parents’ reaction when you chose acting?

They did not like it at all, especially my mother because my father died in 1952. My mother did not like it at all because she thought actors were rascals. When I first started, I would not tell my mother where I was going. I would just find my way out and join the group without her knowledge. When she eventually found out where I was, she beat me there and I ran home.

At what point did she accept you as an actor?

It was later in my career when people started calling me the different names of the stage plays I acted in her presence that she began to relax. She would ask me why they were calling me different names and how I knew those who were calling me the names. I would explain and she would just shrug. Later on when I became Pa Kasunmu and people began to call me the name, she asked if I was Pa Kasunmu and I replied her that I was. She was shocked but from then on, she began to give me her blessing.

How would you describe yourself as a kid?

At home, I was a very gentle boy but outside home, I was naughty. I was the exact opposite of what I was at home. I was very radical and stubborn. There was a day when a young boy offended me and I told him I would show him. I was so stubborn that I was part of the people that killed a monkey in my area. I only planned and told my guys ways to go about an idea but I was never involved. That is why they called me father or senior planner. When the boy offended me, I warned him. I watched him and locked him inside the monkey’s cage. I padlocked the cage and took the key away. They had to break the cage to set the boy free. His mother came to our house later in the evening to report me and when my mother asked if I did it, I simply asked her whether she didn’t trust me again. That was how the woman was chased out of our compound. Everybody in the house attacked her because I was perceived as a gentle boy. During my primary and secondary school, I was called senior planner and when I got to Yaba College of Technology, they called me Father.

If you were not an actor, what would have you have become?

I was planning to become a lawyer but my mother and her siblings were against it. They knew that I could be stubborn at times. They knew that if I said no to something, I would not do it. They said that I could not become a lawyer because they would not want someone to kill me. When they said that, I knew they meant it. They said I should study another course in school even though they knew I had the brains to study law. I had to change to Business Administration. With my knowledge of business administration, I was able to manage a company where I acted as an administration manager for a transport company, SBTS, in 1971.

Are you back into acting now?

Yes, I am fully back. I am waiting to be invited and people have been calling me to ask if I am ready and I told them yes.

How has it been coping with women?

Women would definitely come but it depends on the man. You must have resistance and no in your vocabulary. You would not say no bluntly but have a mild way of saying it. You would find a way to draw them close, but not intimately. I have had many experiences. There was a time a lady tried to seduce me when we went to Abeokuta for production. I cannot remember her name now, but she was part of the production. She came to me and said people hardly saw me around. She was beating around the bush, probably not knowing how to say what was on her mind. She said I hardly mingled with ladies and that I always kept to myself. When I told her to say what she really wanted, she said she was not going home that night. And when I asked her why, she said I should not bother myself with the reason. I advised her to go and meet whoever brought her there if she needed any help. I told her to meet the director or producer and I thought we had ended it there but I was wrong. I didn’t know how she got my hotel room number. Later in the night, I heard a knock and I normally joke with people who knock on my door by saying, ‘come in if you are good looking.’ Behold, it was the lady. When I demanded what she was doing in my room, she said that was an odd question, after all, she said she had told me she was not going home. She said that she wanted to sleep with me. I had to leave the room and called the director to report her. He rushed into my room and asked her to leave and that was the end. Anytime she saw me afterwards, she hissed and did not greet me. There was another incident that happened also in Abeokuta. I did not even talk to this girl at all and we never said a word to each other. She was not one of the actresses but she came around to meet her friend. We were watching a movie in the producer’s apartment and when I felt like sleeping, I went to my room and behold, the girl was sleeping on my bed facing the wall. I woke her up to remind her that the room was mine in case she made a mistake but she told me she was aware. She asked me to be a gentleman but I told her that I didn’t get along with strange women, no matter how beautiful they are. Reluctantly, she left for her friend’s room but unfortunately her friend was having an affair with another person, so she couldn’t sleep with them. I locked my door and did not really bother myself with what happened to her.

When you look back at your life, would you say you have lived a fulfilled life?

Yes. I don’t have to say much about that, I am fulfilled. I am really fulfilled and I thank God. Glory be to God.

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Peter Obi failed as a political leader–Maxi Okwu, APGA factional leader

June 7, 2014

Maxi Okwu

Chief Maxi Okwu, factional leader of the All Progressives Grand Alliance in this interview with OZIOMA UBABUKOH, speaks on the leadership tussle in the party and sundry issues

Are you not worried by the declining fortune of APGA that is now left with only one state?

I should be concerned, and it really gives me sleepless nights. However, I welcome the challenge as an opportunity to prove my political mettle. When Peter Obi, then governor of Anambra State, invited me back in early 2013, he must have recognised my credentials in the area of political party management. I have played in the entire gamut of party administration at both inter and intra party levels. On assumption of office in February 2013 after the Chelsea Hotel caucus, I immediately hinged my intervention on two legs, on the intra-party, the three R’s, Rapprochement, Reconciliation and Re-integration; two, on the inter-party, the re-enactment of the third leg in Nigeria’s politics. As our father did in the NCNC and then the NPP, APGA under my leadership would hold the balance of power between the two dominant parties and whichever side we swing, that side wins.

There is this sentimental attachment to APGA by the Igbo-speaking people of Nigeria. This sentiment is what we intend to harness and convert into electoral gains starting from the entire South-East and spreading all over the federation. It is a fact that the Igbo-speaking people of Nigeria rank second outside their homeland in any state of Nigeria after the indigenous people in terms of population.

Why is the party always embroiled in crisis of leadership?

This is the direct consequence of greed juxtaposed with megalomania. In this mix, you will also find what the late sage Obafemi Awolowo, called tenacity of office; that is, the tendency to perpetuate oneself in office. There is also the flagrant disregard for the party constitution. A treasurer suddenly leapfrogs into the national chairman’s position totally out of sync with the line of succession as enshrined in the party’s constitution filed with the Independent National Electoral Commission. The absence of a properly constituted Board of Trustees to act as a chamber of moral authority was also a minus.

Why is it difficult for APGA leaders to work together harmoniously?

This fact is a reality but very regrettable. It was caused by short-sightedness, visionlessness, greed, ignorance and error of judgement. We intend to carry out enlightenment within the leadership that will lead to behaviour-change for the new crop of leaders that shall be piloting the affairs of the party henceforth.

First, the fight was between Chekwas Okorie and Victor Umeh. Now, it is you and Umeh contending for the leadership position. Why?

Chief Victor Umeh kicked off the 10 years leadership dispute in APGA. In a political coup, he recruited four members of the National Working Committee of the party and removed the then national chairman, Chief Chekwas Okorie, and then deputy national chairman (North), the late Dr. Hassan Bello at NUJ Press Centre, Abuja on December 15, 2004. He immediately proclaimed himself the acting national chairman and retained his position as treasurer in flagrant violation of the party’s constitution. Over 20 suits were instituted from both sides, which lasted till March 2012 when Chief Chekwas Okorie returned the APGA certificate of registration in his custody to INEC.

Having assumed self-imposed office as chairman in December 2004, Chief Umeh continued in office till October 2012, when the Enugu High Court removed him from office. Not satisfied with his leadership, APGA stakeholders met and convened a proper National Convention duly monitored by INEC where I was elected National Chairman along with other officers of the party on April 8, 2013 at the Women Development Centre, Awka, Anambra State. An Awka High Court presided over by Justice Hope O. Ozoh on May 27, 2013 upheld the convention and my election as the authentic national chairman of the party. The Court of Appeal Enugu Division on July 15, 2013 restored Umeh in a matter between him and Jude Ejike Okuli, a former APGA chairman in Udi council of Enugu State. His reinstatement by the court was on the grounds that Okuli lacked locus standi to institute the case as he was not a member of any organ of the party and was not contesting the position of national chairman. The appellate court judgement did not confer any benefit or right on him. In that judgement, the Court of Appeal did not confer any right or benefit on Victor Umeh. What the court of Appeal decided was that the respondent (as plaintiff in the lower court) did not have the locus standi to institute this action. In that case the respondent was a mere member of APGA and not a member of any organ of the party and was not also a contestant for the post of Chairman.

Yet the substance of the matter, including the purported “election” of Umeh’s National Working Committee in February 2011 Convention at Awka, through affirmation and elongated stay in office, were not addressed.

These, among others, were the issues handled by the Federal High Court, Abuja presided over by Justice Abdu-Kafarati which finally removed Umeh and Shinkafi from office. They appealed immediately. Ego, selfishness and flagrant violation of APGA Constitution are responsible for the lingering leadership disagreement in the party. It will interest you to know that the Peoples Democratic Party in its 15 years of existence has had 10 chairmen while APGA in 12 years has had two chairmen. Umeh had stayed from December 15, 2004, when he plotted the removal of Chekwas Okorie and announced himself as chairman from treasurer and still parades himself as chairman in 2014. Shinkafi is even worse. Having been elected national secretary in January 2003, he still parades himself in 2014, as secretary of the party in disobedience to the Abuja Federal High Court that sacked them. The court has since issued Form 48, contempt charge against them. They have evaded service since then, otherwise they would have been in prison by now for contempt of court.

But for the crisis, APGA would have become the umbrella body for all Igbos. How can they come together politically?

APGA remains the umbrella body of Ndigbo. It is their political party. It is said that every Igbo person is an APGA member regardless of any other political party he or she belongs. APGA is beyond a political party – it is a movement deeply entrenched in Igboland. Many illustrious sons and daughters of Igbo extraction in Nigeria and in the Diaspora have identified with the party and are ready to contest under its platform in 2015 general elections. A lot of alignment and re-alignment of forces have been going on awaiting formal campaign. APGA is the heartbeat of Ndigbo. We shall win the South-East zone and beyond, and remain the third force in the nation’s political equation.

Is this not a problem for the Igbo race to aspire to rule Nigeria one day?

As I said earlier, APGA is the political soul of Ndigbo. It is their party of choice. It was the closed-shop leadership style of my predecessor that forced some prominent Igbo men and women to be on the sideline. We have reached out to those who were marginalised and welcome back all those who want to be in the party. Ndigbo will take a shot at the presidency in 2019. When we get to the bridge, we shall cross it.

Do other parts of Nigeria find it difficult to trust Igbo with political leadership of the country?

Nigerians have confidence in Ndigbo and our inherent political sagacity and savvy. The first Governor General and President of Nigeria, Dr. Nnamdi Azikiwe, was an Igboman. Both the British and Nigerians trusted him to govern the nation. Today, we have many Azikiwes who will lead the nation to the Promised Land under APGA platform in 2019. You will understand when we get to 2019.

Whose camp is the former governor Peter Obi supporting, you or Umeh?

Former Governor Peter Obi claimed to be in Umeh’s camp for now. You are aware he reconciled with his brother ahead of November 2013 Anambra State governorship election. We have confidence that the Appeal Court judgement will be in our favour as the law is on our side. With the expected victory, a few members still hanging up with our erstwhile chairman will return to the fold, including Governor Obi who also brought me back to APGA to assist in rebranding, restructuring and repositioning it to be a force in Nigeria’s political horizon.

Even the leader of the party, Bianca Ojukwu, who is she for?

The amiable wife of our dear leader, Dim Chukwuemeka Odumegwu-Ojukwu, Iyom Bianca Ojukwu, is with us and our national leader.

Do you see a time in future when an Igbo man would rule Nigeria?

Sure, in 2019 presidential election, an Igbo man will emerge as the president of Nigeria.

Why is it very difficult for the Igbo race to speak with one voice?

On major national issues, Ndigbo speak with one voice. For instance, in the ongoing National Conference, Ndigbo articulated their views and presented them to the conference. Although Ndigbo are more republican than other tribes or ethnic nationalities and express their individual views on some issues, when it comes to critical matters affecting Ndigbo in particular and the nation in general, they speak with one voice.

Are you not worried that after the death of Ojukwu, the race cannot point to a leader politically?

Indeed, Ojukwu was a big masquerade whose shoe would be difficult to fit a lesser mortal. He was like a demi-god who appears once in a generation like Zik, Awo and Ahmadu Bello. We have distinguished Igbo leaders who are pulling weight in the country and abroad, and are loved by Ndigbo.

It is rumoured that APGA is only marking time to join the PDP, is it true?

APGA will never merge with any political party for any reason whatsoever. It is ruled out. The party as the name denotes can go into alliance with like-minded political party or parties to enhance its electoral fortunes.

It was even alleged that the former governor, Peter Obi, was a PDP mole in APGA, was it true?

I am not Peter Obi’s spokesman. As of today, he is a card-carrying member of APGA. He is the face of APGA and performed very well as governor of Anambra State. We are proud of his achievements. But he failed as a political leader by not resolving the leadership disagreement in the party before he left office.

What is the role of money politics in Igbo land?

In all democracies across the world, money plays a role in campaigns. And in all democracies, the electoral bodies control the amount of money invested in partisan politics so as not to influence voters on their choice of candidates.

The Electoral Act 2010 stipulates how much a candidate or party should spend on each elective position. INEC has not been able to check, control and punish those who contravened it. Political investors or godfathers have been in business unchallenged across the country. It is not peculiar to Igboland.

Why can’t you, in the interest of the Igbo nation, resolve your differences with Umeh without the law courts?

Chief Victor Umeh is my friend. I don’t have any personal issue with him. APGA is a foremost national political party with a constitution duly registered with INEC. Officers and members are bound by the party’s constitution. Article 18 of APGA constitution stipulates the tenure of office/election of party officers. Article 18(2) provides a four-year renewable tenure for officers of the party. Article 18(4) states that, “Election into any of the offices of the party shall be by way of secret ballot.” The constitution did not envisage a situation where an officer will purport to be in office for 11 years and five months as in the case of Alhaji Sani Shinkafi who was nominated for the office of national secretary on Thursday, January 2, 2003, at APGA fourth National Working Committee meeting held at the party’s National Secretariat in Gwarinpa, Abuja. Chief Victor Umeh, then vice national chairman (South East), was nominated for the position of national treasurer. Shinkafi and Umeh were elected national secretary and treasurer at the party’s first national convention at Old Parade Ground, Garki, Abuja on January 10, 2003. I was the deputy national chairman (South) of the party and chairman of the National Convention Planning Committee. Since January 10, 2003 national convention at which Shinkafi was elected national secretary, he still claims to be in the same position in May 2014, in violation of the party’s constitution that stipulates a maximum tenure of eight years for all office holders.

Chief Victor Umeh led a few party officers to suspend Chief Chekwas Okorie, then national chairman, on December 15, 2004 and declared himself acting national chairman, in violation of Article 19 of APGA constitution on vacancies/removal from office. On January 11, 2005, his National Executive Committee’s faction of APGA “elected” him acting national chairman of the party. From December 15, 2004 till date, Umeh still claims to be national chairman of APGA while Governor Peter Obi who assumed office in Anambra State on March 17, 2006 has since left office without rancour on March 17, 2014. Moreover, the APGA constitution stipulates that election into various offices shall be by way of secret ballot, not voice vote or ratification of positions announced by sit-tight leaders to the chagrin of party members and stakeholders.

I extended an olive branch to our erstwhile chairman and offered to meet him unconditionally at his convenience in Enugu. I set up a Peace, Truth and Reconciliation Committee, led by Ochiagha Reagan Ufomba, in an effort to appease, reconcile and reintegrate all aggrieved members of the party. The reconciliation committee met with Chief Victor Umeh at his residence in Enugu. Unfortunately, he turned down all peace moves we made since I was elected national chairman.

We have also apologised to APGA founding national chairman, Chief Chekwas Okorie, and visited him with other leaders of the party. We have visited and reconciled with other founding leaders and members of the party, including Chief Ralph Okey Nwosu and Dr. L.A. Chukwuma. The reconciliation meeting is ongoing.

After all the litigation war, what then does the Igbo race stand to gain?

We are awaiting the judgement of the Court of Appeal, Abuja Division, which heard Umeh’s appeal on April 29, 2014 and reserved judgment. He appealed the Justice Abdulkadir Abdu-Kafarati’s judgement of January 15, 2014, which removed him as chairman and sacked all the purported National Working Committee members he extended their positions in the illegal and unconstitutional convention held in February 2011 at Awka, Anambra State. Since the law is on our side, we have confidence that the decision of the appellate court will be in our favour.

APGA is more than a political party; it is a mass movement generally accepted in Nigeria and deeply rooted and grounded in Igbo land. It will be a party to beat in 2015. The Anyi Agaba political train has been stemming for the long awaited voyage across the nation to herald genuine participatory democracy in Nigeria. Former Governor Peter Obi’s government in Anambra State was a model of an APGA led government. It will be replicated in all South East states in 2015 and beyond. APGA serves quit notice to the PDP governments in Enugu, Ebonyi and Abia states and the ill-fated APC government in Imo State. They should start preparing their handover notes immediately.

Don’t you think people may not take the issue of the party serious when all the time, its leaders are at one another’s jugular?

It is unfortunate that APGA has been unduly subjected to leadership disagreement since Umeh plotted the removal of Chekwas Okorie on December 15, 2004 and imposed himself as chairman from treasurer. I was the then deputy national chairman (South).

The inordinate ambition of some principal officers of the party and their sponsors are responsible for the impunity and arbitrary actions that have retarded the progress, development and advancement of our great party. My rescue mission will address this illegality and redirect the ship of the party to the path of rectitude, honour and progress. A rebranded APGA will strengthen and deepen our democratic process.

Don’t you think people may have lost interest in the chains of litigation in courts?

No. the main suit in court is the leadership dispute in which Chief Umeh lost at the Federal High Court, Abuja on January 15, 2014 and appealed same at the Court of Appeal Abuja Division. The appellate court has reserved judgement. The decision of the Court of Appeal on the matter will determine the outcome of the other cases. The era of impunity, life chairmanship and imposition of candidates is over.

How would you feel if the party dies off because of the crises?

APGA is a spirit; it cannot die. It is a mass movement, deeply rooted and grounded in the hearts of Ndigbo irrespective of the political parties they belong. APGA is strong and kicking in all the 36 states of the federation and the Federal Capital Territory, Abuja. It is a national party generally accepted by Nigerians especially progressives who identify with the party’s ideology. You will recall when I emerged as the interim National Chairman of APGA in February 2013, 14 political parties under the aegis of Patriotic Alliance of Nigeria met in Lagos and resolved to be in coalition or alliance with APGA under my leadership in future elections. Recently the United Progressive Party led by Chief Chekwas Okorie and the authentic APGA led by Maxi Okwu will also be in alliance in 2015 general election and beyond. Consultation is still going on with other political parties in an effort to build a grand alliance that will determine the outcome of the forthcoming general election. It is obvious that APGA will come out of the Umeh-induced leadership disagreement stronger, better and well equipped to win more governorship and legislative seats in 2015 polls.

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What goes through a man’s mind when he loses erection

June 7, 20

 

Funmi Akingbade
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A man’s manhood is what defines him. It’s what makes man feel like a man.

When he can’t perform in bed, it makes him feel less like a man. From a very young age, boys have grown up dreaming of superb sex. And when they get married and start having sex, there’s a lot of pressure to be great in bed. Typically men want their wives to love them for their sexual prowess. And every time their wives tell them that they are the best in bed, it makes them proud and even produces some form of instance hard-on. For most men, making a wife to have orgasm is a huge relief. It’s like a test where men need to constantly prove themselves.

And at some point, a man may not really be ready for sex; maybe because of tiredness, or under lots of stress or ill-health. And anytime he has sex with poor erection, the failure or inability to perform well lingers on in his mind; this is not only scary but confusing. No matter what a man does, every time he gets naked, the thought of a weak or inactive penis comes back into his head. And that leads to performance anxiety.

This is a psychological issue that scares lots of men who haven’t been having wonderful sex even though they may be medically fit. Just because of few failed attempts, these men try anxiously to overcome another episode of loss of erection, but the harder they try to get a hard erection back, the worse they feel about themselves. This performance anxiety could be so overwhelming that during sex, such men even frequently take their penis in and out. But ironically, this leads to losing erection altogether. This is frightening, especially if it’s a regular occurrence.

When this happens, many men think the worse has come. But sometimes, losing an erection may just be in the head. When a man loses an erection a few times while having sex, but still manages to get a hard-on, he may not be suffering from any erectile issue. In all probability, it’s all in his head. When this happens, wives should try and find ways of getting their husbands’ mind to stop thinking negative. Wives can also help distract the man’s mind from his weak penis thoughts. This helps them to get back in no time.

While fear of many things can make a man lose an erection at times, over-excitement can have the same effect too. Wives, did you know that the very thought that you’re so sexy and more sexually experienced can drive your husband so crazy and chances are he may end up losing his erection while his heart starts racing when he’s looking at you in bed? It’s a tough world for men, especially when they have to live up to the glorious expectations of women in the world. When a man loses an erection in bed, there are just two emotions: he experiences anger and fear. He’s angry with everything around him because he couldn’t keep it up. And he’s afraid it may happen again. Especially when this happens frequently, he starts to fill his head with other thoughts. He’ll secretly wonder if he’s not sexually attracted to his wife anymore. He feels like a failure because, to him, he’s failed to please his wife sexually. It shatters him and depresses him. He knows his wife hasn’t had an orgasm, which secretly makes him feel even more like a failure.

He’s embarrassed. Losing an erection is like losing a game you’re very good at. It’s embarrassing and humiliating. And it’s even more so if it happens often.

He’s angry with himself. And he’ll stay angry for a long time, perhaps even days. When a man’s penis fails him, it’s something he can’t understand. He can’t justify any reasons for it and that makes him angrier. He then sometimes avoids sex. This is the most common route that most husbands take. He may want to avoid sex because he’s afraid of repeating his failures. Gaining back an erection is not only the work of the husband, the wife can help immensely. Sometimes, the behaviour of the wife in bed after the man goes flaccid midway can have a huge impact on him. So dear lady, reassure your man and make him feel that his weak erection didn’t really bother you. Don’t make a big deal about it or talk about it for a long time. Just tell him you’re completely fine with what happened and both of you can do it some other time. Talk about something else to take his mind off his losses and he’ll feel grateful to you. Prolong foreplay, having sex as soon as he gets erect may seem like the best option, but it’s not always the right thing to do. Instead, prolong the foreplay and let him just relax and enjoy his erection. Indulge in foreplay without giving any attention to his penis or ‘hard-ons.’ Let him play with your breast and clitoris for at least fifteen minutes before he penetrates you. It’ll help him last longer. It may be necessary if you can fake an orgasm and pretend like you just climax, it may give your man more confidence about his sexual prowess. Don’t do this too often though, or you may end up hating sex too! Talk about anything that can distract his thoughts from worrying about his weak penis. Lie down next to him and talk about his fantasies. It’ll almost always help him get a raging hard-on back again.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

I did not have the best of sex while growing up

I got married about seven years ago and the marriage is blessed with two lovely children who are six and two years old respectively. I fall in the category of men who did not have the ‘’best of time’’ sexually before marriage due to parental strictness and guidance (a blessing in disguise, you will say). Hence, I was looking forward to a sexually-enjoyable and explosive marriage. I met my wife a virgin and she never allowed me to have sexual intercourse during our courtship.

The first six months of our marriage was beautiful when it comes to sex, but after then, her interest dwindled. She did not initiate sex anymore and I became more of burden anytime I demanded sex at night. These days, I am lucky when I am able to have it once in a week; best case scenario is twice in a week. I have tried my best to make her happy by buying her gifts from time to time, but the effect does not last long. I bought a Honda car for her just for good sex, but nothing changed.

It is becoming so frustrating. I have tried on a couple of occasions to make her read your columns but she does not. She is not an avid reader. I am giving up the fight and I do not want to seek for pleasure outside my marriage, even though the temptations are always there.

Confused man.

l want to first appreciate the fact that you have done a great job by not taking irrational decisions. I would also want to add that you should try to create time out to actually pour your heart out to your wife the way you did to me now. I am so sure when she sees the importance, she will definitely change because no woman wants her marriage to fail. You can do this by going for a free, quiet weekend vacation together, keep the children with trusted friends and just go out alone together. This eradicates stress and helps both of you to unwind.

You should also remember that affection and foreplay mean a lot to ladies. If you skip foreplay, most of them feel as if they are being legally raped or put under the knife of a surgeon. Then make sure that the way and manner you address and talk to her is befitting a wife and not an elevated house girl.

I am losing him

Just this morning, my husband told me I always freeze up whenever he tries to be romantic. I just got married this year and I must say it has not been easy sexually for both of us. My husband is quite considerate and gentle but I am the problem. When he is away, I long for his touches and get wet all over just thinking about him, but when he is around, I just do not enjoy sex. I am losing him. Recently, I found out he is having an affair and I cannot complain because I know I am not satisfying him. Please help me out. I want to improve my sex life.

Worried wife

I must say you were a little bit careless about your relationship and you took a lot of things for granted. However, there is hope if you will try as hard as possible. First, you need to try to explain to your husband that your actions were not deliberate and that you were sorry for your actions and that you are ready to make amendments.

When it comes to frigidity, l always tell women that it is more of a matter of the mind than the body, so you have to make up your mind that you are not abnormal. What the mind can conceive the body can achieve. Then take time to tell yourself you will not only satisfy your husband sexually but you will make him beg for more. If you give your attention to these thoughts, your inner power will flow there and you will see that sex with your husband will be like living in paradise.

I am a widow and for four years now I have not had sex, will it affect me medically?

Michael

Not at all.

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